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Meaning of Life

  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

World

  • It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
  • Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
  • The astronomers must have been very clever to have found out the names of all the stars.

Paranormal

  • All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Atheism

  • A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

Time

  • The speed of time is one second per second.

Animals

  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Name

  • The astronomers must have been very clever to have found out the names of all the stars.

Madness

  • The final test of fame is to have a crazy person imagine he is you.

Mockery

  • When I hear artists... making fun of businessmen I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.

Pride

  • Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.

Love

  • Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

Man & Woman

  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
  • A woman hides from a man her past, the man hides her future.

Sex

  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.
  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  • Bite marks are love notes written in flesh.
  • Sex in France is a comedy; in England it is a tragedy; in America it's a melodrama; in Italy it's an opera; in Germany, a reason to take up philosophy

Marriage

  • Don't get down on one knee for a woman who won't get down on two for you.

Rejection

  • I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Blame

  • When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.

Politics

  • In politics one comes with a brilliant future and leaves with a dark past.

Communism

  • I am a Marxist —of the Groucho tendency.

Countries & Nations

  • Sex in France is a comedy; in England it is a tragedy; in America it's a melodrama; in Italy it's an opera; in Germany, a reason to take up philosophy

Knowledge

  • An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less, until eventually he knows everything about nothing.

Quotations

  • There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Science

  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

History

  • Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up.

Philosophy

  • A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it.

Morality

  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Decisions

  • Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.

Being Busy

  • I’m busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Doing

  • Getting something done is an accomplishment; getting something done right is an achievement.

Computers

  • Artificial Intelligence is the study of how to make real computers act like the ones in movies.
  • I tried setting my hotmail password to 'penis'. It said my password wasn't long enough.

Expertise

  • An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less, until eventually he knows everything about nothing.

Business

  • When I hear artists... making fun of businessmen I think of a regiment in which the band makes fun of the cooks.

Sports

  • If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Success & Failure

  • If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Fame & Glory

  • The final test of fame is to have a crazy person imagine he is you.

Troubles

  • Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.

Danger

  • The sword of Damocles hangs above Pandora’s box.

Hunger

  • Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.









magrit

 
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2017: Manolis Papathanassiou