Quotes by
Dave Barry |
1947- , American journalist
A Pulitzer Prize winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for the Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. | 16 quotes | 1,334 visits |
Quotations
| • | We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. 7 |
| • | People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 6 |
| • | The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers. 4 |
| • | Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! 4 |
| • | You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. 3 |
| • | To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. 3 |
| • | In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. 3 |
Funny Quotes
| • | The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. 11 |
| • | User: the word computer professionals use when they mean “idiot.” 8 |
| • | Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 6 |
| • | Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. 5 |
| • | The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. 5 |
| • | Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? 5 |
| • | Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. 3 |
| • | Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. 3 |
| • | The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. 3 |
