Quotes by
Phyllis Diller |
1917-2012 , American comedian
American actress and stand-up comedienne, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh. | 18 quotes | 1,777 visits |
Quotations
| • | A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. 3 |
| • | Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. 2 |
Funny Quotes
| • | We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 years teaching them to sit down and shut up. 7 |
| • | You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. 5 |
| • | You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! 5 |
| • | Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. 4 |
| • | Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. 4 |
| • | The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. 4 |
| • | Our vet told us that because of my cooking our cat has only two lives left. 3 |
| • | Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it. 3 |
| • | Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? 3 |
| • | I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate. 3 |
| • | You know you're old when your walker has an airbag. 3 |
| • | I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. 3 |
| • | I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' 3 |
| • | I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren. 3 |
| • | I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard 2 |
| • | My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. 2 |
