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Quotes with Profanity

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Obscene or profane or vulgar or dirty or just sexy quotes.


Life

Lenny BruceLife is a four letter word.

—  Lenny Bruce, 1925-1966, American comedian


Face

George CarlinShe was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Beliefs

Scarface (1983)Was it legal? FUCK legal! Not nice? FUCK nice! The nation says I’m not nice? FUCK THE NATION!

—  from the film Scarface (1983)


Memory

Barbara BushClinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

—  Barbara Bush, 1925-, wife of the 41st USA president


Appearance

Scarface (1983)You have a look in your eye like you haven’t been fucked in a year.

—  from the film Scarface (1983)


Sorrow

Frank ZappaBroken hearts are for assholes.

—  Frank Zappa, 1940-1993, American musician

     (song title from the album “Sheik Yerbouti”, 1977)

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Refusal

George CarlinThings you never hear: “Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Explanations

Dorothy ParkerTell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.

—  Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, American writer, poet, satirist, critic


Man & Woman

Quentin CrispMen get laid, but women get screwed.

—  Quentin Crisp, 1908-1999, British writer


Sex

George CarlinI never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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George CarlinHave you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Oscar LevantNow that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.

—  Oscar Levant, 1906-1972, American pianist

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AnonymousLet's f ck; all I need is “u”

—  Anonymous

Bette DavisShe has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.

—  Bette Davis, 1908-1989, American actress

     (on rival Joan Crawfor)

Dorothy ParkerTell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.

—  Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, American writer, poet, satirist, critic

Karl KrausA woman is, occasionally, quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

—  Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer


Prostitution

Marlen DietrichA country without bordellos is like a house without bathrooms.

—  Marlen Dietrich, 1901-1992, German-American actress

George CarlinI don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian


Marriage

AnonymousDon't get down on one knee for a woman who won't get down on two for you.

—  Anonymous

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Parents

The Exorcist (1973)Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

—  from the film The Exorcist (1973)


Woman

AnonymousA world without women? Certainly is a pain on each guys ass!

—  Anonymous


Arguing

George CarlinYou can’t argue with a good blowjob.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Government

Lenny BruceIf you can't say “Fuck” you can't say, “Fuck the government”.

—  Lenny Bruce, 1925-1966, American comedian


Revolt

AnonymousIf men couldn't fuck there'd be a bounty on their heads.

—  Anonymous


Cities

George CarlinCalifornia is a small woman saying, 'Fuck me.' New York is a large man saying, 'Fuck you!'

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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War & Peace

George CarlinFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Television

George CarlinIn TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian


Imagination

Karl KrausA woman is, occasionally, quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. It takes an abundance of imagination, to be sure.

—  Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer


Promises

Frank ZappaI promise not to come in your mouth.

—  Frank Zappa, 1940-1993, American musician

     (title of a short instrumental ballad in the 1977 album “Zappa in New York”)


Being Busy

Dorothy ParkerTell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.

—  Dorothy Parker, 1893-1967, American writer, poet, satirist, critic


Computers

AnonymousI tried setting my hotmail password to 'penis'. It said my password wasn't long enough.

—  Anonymous


Doctors

George CarlinI wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Career

Marilyn MonroeWell, that's the last cock I'll ever have to suck.

—  Marilyn Monroe, 1926-1962, American actress


Economy

Xaviera HollanderWhen the stocks go up, the cocks go up!

—  Xaviera Hollander, 1943-, Dutch call girl & author


Drinking

George CarlinInstead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Cinema

Bette DavisShe has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.

—  Bette Davis, 1908-1989, American actress

     (on rival Joan Crawfor)


Control

George CarlinFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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Suffering

AnonymousA world without women? Certainly is a pain on each guys ass!

—  Anonymous


Holes

George CarlinI wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

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2017: Manolis Papathanassiou