Quotes by
George Burns |
1896-1996 , American comedian
American comedian, actor, singer, and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, radio, film and television. When Burns was 79, he had a sudden career revival as an amiable, beloved and unusually active comedy elder statesman in the 1975 film The Sunshine Boys, for which he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.
He became a centenarian in 1996 and continued to work until just weeks before his death.
| 22 quotes | 3,736 visits |
Quotations
| • | There's an old saying, “Life begins at forty.” That’s silly. Life begins every morning you wake up. 6 |
| • | Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. 6 |
| • | You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. 6 |
| • | I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. 4 |
| • | I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody. 4 |
| • | Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. 3 |
Personal Stories
| • | Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere. 8 |
Funny Quotes
| • | You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. 15 |
| • | I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name’s not there, I eat breakfast. 9 |
| • | First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. 8 |
| • | Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. 8 |
| • | If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. 8 |
| • | It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. 6 |
| • | I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. 6 |
| • | When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. 6 |
| • | Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang. 5 |
| • | Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. 5 |
| • | How can I die? I’m booked. 5 |
| • | Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. 5 |
| • | Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. 5 |
| • | I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini. 4 |
| • | Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 4 |
