Quotes by
Ashleigh Brilliant |
1933-2025 , British cartoonist & epigrammatist
A cartoonist and author born in London, UK. He graduated from Berkeley with a PhD in history in 1964 and taught on a “Floating University”, an educational cruise ship that traveled around the world in the mid-60s. He became an American citizen in 1969.He is best known for his Pot-Shots, single-panel illustrations with one-line humorous remarks, which began syndication in the USA in 1975. Brilliant employs a self-imposed limit of 17 words per epigram.
He is kinda professional epigrammatist who often takes legal action against writers who use his phrases.
| 132 quotes | 4,203 visits |
Quotations
| • | Just when I nearly had the answer, I forgot the question. 10 |
| • | I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you. 10 |
| • | Once I wanted total happiness – now I will settle for a little less pain. 9 |
| • | The price of freedom keeps going up, but the quality keeps deteriorating. 8 |
| • | There are some things children cannot know, because once they learn them they are no longer children. 8 |
| • | Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty. 8 |
| • | When you plan a journey from your mind into mine, remember to allow for the time difference. 7 |
| • | I've found the secret of happiness, total disregard of everybody. 7 |
| • | It's human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others. 7 |
| • | One possible reason why things aren't going according to plan is that there never was a plan. 7 |
| • | No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas. 6 |
| • | The trouble is that sex is a force of nature, and reason is not. 6 |
| • | My social life is much better, since I stopped spending it with other people. 6 |
| • | To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. 6 |
| • | Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most. 6 |
| • | The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other. 5 |
| • | The surest way to learn is by doing it, but often, the lesson is: Don't do it! 5 |
| • | The best thing about being too late is that there's no more need to hurry. 5 |
| • | Not being able to do everything is no excuse for not doing everything you can. 5 |
| • | If only our great thinkers could learn to talk, and our great talkers could learn to think. 4 |
| • | I could do great things, if I weren't so busy doing little things. 2 |
| • | Dying is a part of living, but only a very small part. 1 |
| • | Life is a process of losing our illusions, until we finally lose the illusion that we're alive. 1 |
| • | I don't need a great deal of love but I do need a steady supply. 1 |
| • | There ought to be a better way than government to run the world. 1 |
| • | My main object in life is to see what will happen next. 1 |
| • | Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods. 1 |
| • | Be a good neighbor, and leave me alone. 1 |
| • | Don't wait for a disaster to get to know your neighbors. 1 |
| • | Look how often the unexpected happens yet we still never expect it. 1 |
| • | Somehow I reached excess without ever noticing when I was passing through satisfaction. 1 |
| • | If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right. 1 |
| • | Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. 1 |
| • | I don't know how to be happy They didn't teach it in my school. 1 |
| • | The surest way to remain a winner is to win once, and then not play any more. 1 |
| • | If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie. 1 |
| • | Why is there still so much pain and suffering being produced when there's so little demand for it? 1 |
| • | All people are different. That's why everybody should be treated the same. 1 |
| • | All I ask of Life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance. 1 |
| • | If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map. 1 |
| • | Please don't ask me what the score is. I'm not even sure what the game is. 1 |
| • | Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them, others are so fast, they don't notice you. 1 |
| • | In a democracy, every little wrong idea may grow up to become national policy. 1 |
| • | If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 1 |
| • | Tell me again how much you agree with me. 1 |
| • | I'm just moving clouds today, tomorrow I'll try mountains. 1 |
| • | The things I fear may all be imaginary, so what I fear most is my imagination. 1 |
| • | The truly successful teacher is the one you will never need again. 1 |
| • | One thing you can rely on is that there will always be uncertainty. 1 |
| • | More books have resulted from somebody's need to write than from anybody’s need to read. 1 |
| • | Women can do anything men can do, but often have more sense than even to be interested. 1 |
| • | You are what you eat, but eventually you become what eats you. 1 |
| • | My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right. 1 |
| • | Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously. 1 |
| • | My first line of defense against reality is called sleep. 1 |
| • | We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault. 1 |
| • | Here is a guaranteed way to get more of what you want: want less. 1 |
| • | To be sure of winning, invent your own game, and never tell any other player the rules. 1 |
| • | Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. 1 |
| • | The majority is never right, unless it includes me. 1 |
| • | Please don't tell me there's no need to worry, it's the only thing I'm any good at. 1 |
| • | I have no prejudices: all my irrational hatreds are based on solid evidence. 1 |
| • | Please don't believe everything you hear about me, regardless of how true it may be. 1 |
| • | Please don't tell me to relax, it's only my tension that's holding me together. 1 |
| • | If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. 1 |
| • | There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before. 1 |
| • | The longer I live, the less future there is to worry about. 1 |
| • | The older you get, the more important it is to not act your age. 1 |
| • | Beware! Freedom of speech also includes the freedom to be misunderstood. 1 |
| • | I feel much better, now that I've given up hope. 1 |
| • | If you can neither accept it or change it, try to laugh at it. 1 |
| • | Life can be very deep, but I'm trying to stay at the shallow end. 1 |
| • | Everything takes longer than you expect, even when you expect it to take longer than you expect. 1 |
| • | I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? 1 |
| • | The greatest obstacle to discovering the truth is being convinced that you already know it. 1 |
| • | Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn? 1 |
| • | My cat knows the meaning of life, but has no interest in sharing the secret. 1 |
| • | Things are sometimes better left as they are, but you can't be sure until you change them. 1 |
| • | Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to. 1 |
| • | My life so far has been a long series of things I wasn't ready for. 1 |
| • | I will always love the false image I had of you. 1 |
| • | If you can't go where people are happier, try to make people happier where you are. 1 |
| • | The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! 1 |
| • | Unless you move, the place where you are is the place where you will always be. 1 |
| • | The whole world is our dining room, but be careful: it is also our garbage can. 1 |
| • | The closest you will ever come in this life to an orderly universe is a good library. 1 |
| • | There may not be a Heaven, but there is a San Francisco. 1 |
| • | Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. 1 |
| • | If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. 1 |
| • | The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary. 1 |
| • | For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called “here”. 1 |
| • | I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy. 1 |
| • | Sometimes the most urgent and vital thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest. 1 |
Funny Quotes
| • | Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story. 8 |
| • | Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. 7 |
| • | I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. 6 |
| • | We want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. 6 |
| • | I didn't mind being a public executioner, once I got the hang of it. 5 |
| • | What's most interesting about some books is the question: How did this crap ever get published? 5 |
| • | If you keep groaning, please do it to a rhythm I can dance to. 4 |
| • | I believe the stars can affect human lives, particularly by providing employment for thousands of astrologers. 3 |
| • | My life has a superb cast, but I cannot figure out the plot. 3 |
| • | If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion. 2 |
| • | If you value your safety, avoid holy places founded in the name of peace and brotherhood. 2 |
| • | Not only don't I know what tomorrow will bring, I'm still not entirely certain what yesterday brought. 2 |
| • | Speak nothing but the truth, and you'll soon be considered dangerous. 2 |
| • | I'm in search of myself have you seen me anywhere? 2 |
| • | Having failed to conquer myself, my best hope now is to arrange an alliance with myself. 2 |
| • | Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules. 2 |
| • | No matter how often I talk to God, he never tells me anything I didn’t already know. 1 |
| • | Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches. 1 |
| • | I have seen the future! Go back! 1 |
| • | I want to reach your mind where is it currently located? 1 |
| • | A good friend is worth pursuing but why would a good friend be running away? 1 |
| • | To the Tax Office: All is over between us. Please don't attempt to communicate with me again. 1 |
| • | All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power. 1 |
| • | Cheer up! The worst effects of what we're doing won't be felt until after we're all dead. 1 |
| • | Do you believe in apathy at first sight? 1 |
| • | What I need is a lawyer who specializes in the law of the jungle. 1 |
| • | They laughed at Edison and Einstein, but somehow I still feel uncomfortable when they laugh at me. 1 |
| • | My struggle to remain healthy is gradually killing me. 1 |
| • | I hope I can settle my internal conflicts without bloodshed. 1 |
| • | Unlike most other people, I'm just an average person. 1 |
| • | For me, it's always easy to choose between the Ultimate, the Infinite, and the Chocolate. 1 |
| • | What happened to you could have been worse – it could have happened to me. 1 |
| • | It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. 1 |
| • | Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with some of the living. 1 |
| • | I’ll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available. 1 |
| • | If you think communication is all talking, you haven't been listening. 1 |
| • | I've learned so much from my failures that I'm thinking of having some more. 1 |
| • | My computer must be broken: whenever I ask a wrong question, it gives a wrong answer. 1 |
| • | I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. 1 |
