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The Best Quotations

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Contents

Paradoxical Quotations

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Bizarre, absurd, irrational, often self-contradictory sayings and quotes that do not make much sense.


Meaning of Life

Emile M. CioranTo be or not to be… Neither one nor the other.

—  Emile M. Cioran, 1911-1995, French-Romanian philosopher

11 likes

Human Being

Georg Christoph LichtenbergThat man is the noblest creature may also be inferred from the fact that no other creature has yet contested this claim.

—  Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, 1742-1799, German author of maxims

10 likes

Identity

Bob DylanI'm glad I'm not me.

—  Bob Dylan, 1941-, American singer [Nobel 2016]

12 likes

World

Thales of MiletusPlace is the greatest thing, as it contains all things.

Μέγιστον τόπος. Άπαντα γαρ χωρεί.

—  Thales of Miletus, 643-548 BC, Ancient Greek philosopher

20 likes
Charles BaudelaireIf the word doesn't exist, invent it; but first be sure it doesn't exist.

—  Charles Baudelaire, 1821-1867, French poet

12 likes
Kurt VonnegutThe universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

—  Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007, American writer

5 likes

Life

Stanislaw Jerzy LecPeople find life entirely too time-consuming.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims

10 likes

Death

Andy WarholI never think that people die. They just go to department stores.

—  Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, American artist

26 likes
Stanislaw Jerzy LecI am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims

13 likes
Arthur ClarkeBehind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living.

—  Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer

11 likes
Antonio PorchiaWhen I die, I will not see myself die, for the first time.

—  Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet

10 likes

Suicide

Gore VidalWrite something, even if it's just a suicide note.

—  Gore Vidal, 1925-2012, American writer

39 likes

Astrology

Arthur ClarkeI don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

—  Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer

14 likes

Afterlife

Samuel BeckettIn the afterlife, we’ll sit around talking about the good old days, when we wished that we were dead.

—  Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969

25 likes
Stanislaw Jerzy LecOnly the dead can be resurrected. It’s more difficult with the living.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims

10 likes

God

H.L. MenckenIf the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God.

—  H.L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic

12 likes
Jules RenardGod does not believe in our God.

—  Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer

8 likes

Christianity

Mark TwainIf Christ were here, there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

—  Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American writer

23 likes

Devil

Jean CocteauGod exists. He is the devil.

—  Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist

11 likes

Transience

Eugene IonescoOnly the ephemeral lasts.

—  Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright

7 likes

Duration

Eugene IonescoOnly the ephemeral lasts.

—  Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright

7 likes

Age

Walt DisneyThat’s the real trouble with the world. Too many people grow up.

—  Walt Disney, 1901-1966, American businessman & cartoonist

7 likes

Speed

Terry PratchettLight thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

—  Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer

14 likes

Environment

Ronald ReaganAll the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.

—  Ronald Reagan, 1911-2004, American President [1981-1989]

8 likes

Light

Terry PratchettLight thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

—  Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015, British writer

14 likes

Night

George CarlinThere are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

15 likes

Trees

Bob RossThere’s nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.

—  Bob Ross, 1942-1995, American painter & TV personality

Opinion

Marshall McLuhanI don’t necessarily agree with everything that I say.

—  Marshall McLuhan, 1911-1980, Canadian academic & media theorist

Memory

Samuel BeckettIn the afterlife, we’ll sit around talking about the good old days, when we wished that we were dead.

—  Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969

25 likes

Appearance

Georges FeydeauIf we could see how women would look twenty years later, we would not marry them twenty years before.

—  Georges Feydeau, 1862-1921, French playwright

9 likes

Health

Eugene IonescoThere are diseases that are healthy.

—  Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright

4 likes

Psychology

Karl KrausPsychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.

—  Karl Kraus, 1874-1936, Austrian writer

10 likes

Preferences

Stanislaw Jerzy LecCannibals prefer those who have no spines.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims

7 likes

Genius

Samuel Taylor ColeridgeThe truth is, a great mind must be androgynous.

—  Samuel Taylor Coleridge, 1772-1834, English poet & philosopher

7 likes

Bravery

Joseph StalinIt takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army.

—  Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader

22 likes

Patience

Antonio PorchiaI can wait for you longer. Because you have arrived.

—  Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet

3 likes

Greatness

H.L. MenckenIf the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God.

—  H.L. Mencken, 1880-1956, American columnist & cultural critic

12 likes

Cowardice

Joseph StalinIt takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army.

—  Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader

22 likes

Audacity

Eugene IonescoFondle a circle and it will become vicious.

—  Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright

9 likes

Annoyance

Sam GoldwynIf Roosevelt were alive today, he’d turn over in his grave.

—  Sam Goldwyn, 1879-1974, American film producer

3 likes

Disbelief

Arthur ClarkeI don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.

—  Arthur Clarke, 1917-2008, British Sci-Fi writer

14 likes

Absurdity

George CarlinYou know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

9 likes

Marriage

Benjamin DisraeliI have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.

—  Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Prime Minister

11 likes
Georges FeydeauIf we could see how women would look twenty years later, we would not marry them twenty years before.

—  Georges Feydeau, 1862-1921, French playwright

9 likes

Meetings

Antonio PorchiaI can wait for you longer. Because you have arrived.

—  Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet

3 likes

Arguing

Marshall McLuhanI don’t necessarily agree with everything that I say.

—  Marshall McLuhan, 1911-1980, Canadian academic & media theorist

Treating others

DanteTo be rude to him was courtesy.

—  Dante, 1265-1321, Italian poet

4 likes

Protection

Jean CocteauWe shelter an angel within us. We must be the guardians of that angel.

—  Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist

7 likes

Solitude

Andy WarholI had a lot of dates, but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.

—  Andy Warhol, 1928-1987, American artist

6 likes

Prison

Antonio PorchiaNothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison.

—  Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet

9 likes

Army

Joseph StalinIt takes a brave man to be a coward in the Red Army.

—  Joseph Stalin, 1879-1953, Soviet leader

22 likes

War & Peace

Carl SandburgSomeday they'll give a war and nobody will come.

—  Carl Sandburg, 1878-1967, American poet

7 likes

Language

Joseph JoubertMusic has seven letters, writing has twenty-six notes

—  Joseph Joubert, 1754-1824, French author of maxims

Jorge Luis BorgesThe original is unfaithful to the translation.

—  Jorge Luis Borges, 1899-1986, Argentine writer

Painting

Paul ValeryDegas is one of the very few painters who have given the floor its true importance.

—  Paul Valery, 1871-1945, French poet

2 likes

Colors

Bob RossThe only thing worse than yellow snow is green snow.

—  Bob Ross, 1942-1995, American painter & TV personality

Music

Joseph JoubertMusic has seven letters, writing has twenty-six notes

—  Joseph Joubert, 1754-1824, French author of maxims

First phrases

George OrwellIt was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.

—  George Orwell, 1903-1950, British writer

     (first phrase of “1984”)

6 likes

Poetry

Carl SandburgPoetry is an echo asking a shadow to dance.

—  Carl Sandburg, 1878-1967, American poet

5 likes

Writing

Jorge Luis BorgesThe original is unfaithful to the translation.

—  Jorge Luis Borges, 1899-1986, Argentine writer

Hypotheses

Mark TwainIf Christ were here, there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

—  Mark Twain, 1835-1910, American writer

23 likes

Options

Emile M. CioranTo be or not to be… Neither one nor the other.

—  Emile M. Cioran, 1911-1995, French-Romanian philosopher

11 likes

Experience

Oscar LevantI've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

—  Oscar Levant, 1906-1972, American pianist

6 likes

Computers

Joseph CampbellComputers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

—  Joseph Campbell, 1904-1987, American academic

8 likes

Reality

Douglas AdamsReality is frequently inaccurate.

—  Douglas Adams, 1952-2001, British Sci-Fi writer

4 likes

Punishment

Stanislaw Jerzy LecI am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward.

—  Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, 1906-1966, Polish author of maxims

13 likes

Happiness

Jules RenardTrue happiness is to reminisce the present.

—  Jules Renard, 1864-1910, French writer

6 likes

Uncertainty

Douglas AdamsWe demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

—  Douglas Adams, 1952-2001, British Sci-Fi writer

6 likes

Troubles

Samuel BeckettWhen you're in the shit up to your neck, there's nothing left to do but sing.

—  Samuel Beckett, 1906-1989, Irish writer, Nobel 1969

5 likes

Cats

Eugene IonescoAll cats are mortal. Socrates is mortal. Therefore Socrates is a cat.

—  Eugene Ionesco, 1912-1994, French-Romanian playwright

     (making a parody of the classic syllogism by Aristotle)

7 likes

Wolves

George CarlinThere are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

—  George Carlin, 1936-2008, American comedian

15 likes

Void

Antonio PorchiaNothing is not only nothing. It is also our prison.

—  Antonio Porchia, 1885-1968, Italian-Argentinian poet

9 likes

Mirror

Jean CocteauMirrors would do well to reflect a little more before sending back images.

—  Jean Cocteau, 1889-1963, French artist

5 likes

Holes

Bertolt BrechtWhat happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

—  Bertolt Brecht, 1898-1956, German writer

Difference

William JamesThere are no differences but differences of degree between different degrees of difference and no difference.

—  William James, 1842-1910, American philosopher

10 likes

Rules

Joseph CampbellComputers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

—  Joseph Campbell, 1904-1987, American academic

8 likes






picasso

relevant quote
The words of truth are paradoxical.
Lao Tse


 

2024: Manolis Papathanassiou